A Fine Line
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: Kakashi hates Iruka... he thinks.
1. Chapter 1

Kakashi hates Iruka. He hates the way that when the chūnin walks down the street everyone smiles at him, waves, and generally looks happy to see him. He hates the way that Iruka smiles back whether he feels like smiling or not. He hates the way Iruka's shoulders droop ever so slightly when he closes the door of his apartment behind him, the weight of pretending escaping from him in the breath of a sigh. He hates that he is the only one who notices this.

Kakashi knows that hatred, especially towards a fellow shinobi, is bad. It can cause you to lose sight of your goal, and it is entirely too easy to be consumed by it. But somehow he feels drawn to watch the teacher, to follow him, to hate him. He can't help it. Whenever he thinks of the slightly curved scar stretching across that tanned face, or catches a glimpse of that freely given, open smile it feels like his whole body is on fire, consumed by a vile loathing.

He hates the fact that he is the only one Iruka does not smile at. When he hands in his mission report the man stutters and blushes and looks away, ordering him gone as soon as possible. A proper chūnin should not have a reaction like that to anything. He thinks Iruka needs to be put through interrogation training. Maybe if the chūnin were stronger he wouldn't feel this burning desire to put him in his place.

Iruka yells at the jōnin and other chūnin; for not completing mission reports properly, for trekking mud and blood into the mission room, for not going to the hospital and getting themselves fixed up immediately. He does not yell at Kakashi. Nobody yells at Kakashi. Kakashi wonders what he would do if the chūnin yelled at him. If it happened, it would at least give him a reason for the hate he can feel.

So he submits half completed, soggy reports that he gets Pakkun to write, the little pug holding the pen between his teeth and eyeing the steak he'd get for his trouble. Iruka doesn't yell, but his eyes look a little sad. Kakashi watches as he stays long after the mission room is closed filling out Kakashi's reports on a fresh form with his neat, rounded handwriting.

He hates Iruka's eyes, his face. He hates how expressive it is, how easy it is to get lost in the depths of those murky brown orbs. Shinobi must keep their feelings hidden at all times to be successful. Kakashi thinks Iruka is a failure.

Iruka dances when he thinks no one is watching. But Kakashi is always watching, and Kakashi hates this too. He gets a horrible twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach when the brunet shakes his hair loose of its constricting ponytail, closes his eyes and spins. In these moments Iruka is graceful and at peace, and not the harried looking chūnin at the mission desk or academy getting hounded by students and jōnin alike. Kakashi names this feeling hate because he's not sure what else it could be.

There is never any music when Iruka dances, but Kakashi suspects it plays in his head. He wants to know what song it is because he thinks it's always the same, and knowing might help him understand why he obsessively hates the chūnin. But Iruka only ever hums the tune, and never all of it. Kakashi is waiting for the day he lets his secret slip.

Kakashi really hates the way Naruto touches Iruka, and the way Iruka lets him. He doesn't hate Naruto, how can he? Naruto is the only thing left of the Fourth's, and he'll guard the kid with his life. But that doesn't mean the blond should be allowed to hug and tackle and just _touch_ like that. Iruka is _his_ chūnin to watch, and nobody should be allowed to touch him. He hates Iruka for not realizing this.

The village's resources have been sparse lately, and Kakashi has been on a lot of high-ranking missions. He is used to it, but it means he has less time to watch Iruka. He returns tired from his latest mission. He doesn't even remember what it was, as they are all starting to blur together.

He wants a smile from Iruka, to see what it's like to be on the proper receiving end of one. He's seen it happen to other people, watched ninja come in injured and unhappy and leave buoyed slightly and smiling. He doesn't like it, and wonders if it would be different if Iruka smiled at him directly.

Iruka doesn't smile; he merely stares at him in stunned silence with those big brown eyes as Kakashi drips blood over his desk. Kakashi glares and slams down his report. He hadn't thought it was too much to ask for, but apparently it is. He goes home and passes out on his bed. He doesn't want to go to hospital.

The next mission he's assigned to he's not ready for. His arm is not yet fully healed and he needs at least twenty-four hours of sleep to catch up on what he's missed in the last three weeks. He goes anyway, because it's his job. He's surprised to see Iruka waiting for him, and furious that the Sandaime thinks it's okay to send a chūnin – especially this chūnin – on a mission with him.

He's never hated Iruka more than he does when the chūnin moves when he's not supposed to and takes the blade meant for him through the chest. It's fatal, he knows that and Iruka knows that, and he doesn't understand why Iruka would do it. He wants to ask but he can't, because the hate is burning so strongly that it's blurring his vision and he can't see.

Kakashi wipes his eyes with the back of his glove and it comes away wet. Iruka's fingertips slide gently down his jawline, and the touch sears through his skin, burning a path down his chest and making his heart clench. It's hate, he assures himself, but he's not so sure anymore.

"Kakashi," the chūnin whispers, and Kakashi feels like he's breaking. "I'm sorry."

Iruka's eyes slide shut. He gives a soft smile, and Kakashi hates it. He'd give anything, now, to not see that smile. He wishes he'd never asked for it.

**oo**

A/N: If people like this enough and if I can be bothered I'll write a second chapter from Iruka's point of view.


	2. Chapter 2

Treat this as an entirely separate story to the last chapter as the tone is completely different.

**oo**

When the Sandaime tells him that Hatake Kakashi has failed every single team he's been given Iruka thinks that he chose him on purpose because he doesn't want Naruto to pass and become a genin. When he does pass the trio and Naruto grows stronger and happier Iruka thinks he understands, and he is grateful.

He has a budding idea in his mind that he should try and start a friendship with Kakashi, never mind that he is a jōnin and Iruka is not, but every time Team Seven come to him with their mission report he ends up listening to Naruto's ridiculous stories and focusing all his attention on the blond instead. More often than not when he looks back up again Kakashi is gone.

Iruka doesn't understand why this makes him feel so disappointed until the day he stumbles across the silver-haired mystery lying on his back on one of the training fields, talking to a small pug in a low voice. He looks different than usual, and Iruka doesn't get why until he realizes the jōnin has taken off his jacket and hitai-ate. He's still wearing the rest of his uniform but it makes him seem softer somehow, with his hair floating over his face instead of arrested into gravity defying spikes.

He watches as Kakashi strokes the dog's head lightly, the little pug growling in mock anger, and almost laughs as the dog jumps on the jōnin's chest and pretends to bite him. He feels warm inside as Kakashi rolls over on top of his dog and they proceed to play wrestle with each other. After observing the jōnin from a distance as he trained his students he'd thought that Kakashi didn't know how to play or have fun. He's glad to find out that he does.

When a whole lot of jōnin are killed on a botched mission Kakashi starts coming into the mission room without his team. Iruka hands him his missions with his gaze averted, afraid if he looks at him that Kakashi will find out he'd seen him that time with his pug. Somehow he feels that it was something no one was meant to see. Aside from that, Kakashi makes him nervous.

Iruka is honest with everybody, and that includes himself. So when he figures out that the trembling feeling he gets in his stomach and the way his cheeks heat up every time he sees Kakashi means that he has a crush on Naruto's current sensei he doesn't deny it. He does, however, do his best to ignore it because in his experience, nothing hurts worse than unrequited love. And Kakashi definitely does not like him.

The jōnin seems to not even see him, the single gray eye looking through him whenever they interact. And when he does look at Iruka it's with an air of disdain. But even staring in the face of Kakashi's repugnance he can't help but notice how slim and delicate his fingers are and wonder how they'd feel against his body. His traitorous thoughts make him blush and he can't speak for fear that he will say something condemning. Instead he calls for the next person in line, stamping the Copy-nin's form without looking at it.

When Kakashi goes from handing in correctly completed, clearly written reports to giving him pieces of paper with only a few words on them that look like he's given them to his dog to chew on Iruka doesn't understand. It's obviously done on purpose, and Iruka can't figure out why. Maybe the jōnin just wants to torture him? It hurts more than he'd like to admit, but he accepts the forms anyway, stamping them and putting them aside to redo later.

It takes him longer than he'd thought it would to rewrite Kakashi's report to an acceptable standard, and there are parts that he can't fill in because he simply didn't know the answers. He wonders briefly why he didn't just ask the man to do it again like he does with everyone else, and then closes his eyes and sighs. He knows why he accepted the report, and it's a stupid reason. He doesn't want Kakashi to think he's a pedantic little tight-assed chūnin like everyone else does. He also knows that whatever report Kakashi gives to him he will accept, no matter what state it's in, and he is already resigned to that fact.

Kakashi's in front of his desk again, and he looks like he shouldn't be standing. There's a huge gash running down his left arm, and it hangs limply at his side. He looks paler than usual and there's a slice taken out of his forehead. Iruka wants to tell him to go to the hospital, to get cleaned up before he falls apart on the mission room floor, but all he can do is stare in shock.

The jōnin slams his report down onto the desk, splattering it and Iruka with blood. Iruka jumps in surprise, and shrinks back from the heated glare Kakashi is giving him. It feels almost as if the jōnin wants him dead. He watches the jōnin storm out and doesn't move until the next person in line shakes him out of his daze.

Sandaime tells him he's sorry but he has to give him a mission because they are really short on able shinobi, and Iruka agrees to do it without checking the parameters first. His heart does a funny flop when he sees who his mission partner is, and then sinks to below his naval as insecurity sets in. He hasn't been on a mission outside of the village since he became a teacher, so his fighting skills are probably a bit rusty. And any mission that Hatake Kakashi is sent on must be dangerous. He thinks the jōnin will be disappointed to know his mission partner is the lousy chūnin he glares at in the mission room and tries to tell the Sandaime that he has changed his mind but the Hokage is already gone. Iruka grits his teeth and gets ready, like the loyal dog he is.

The jōnin looks mad when he sees him, just like he'd expected. He even glances around to see if perhaps this is a joke and his real partner is elsewhere. Iruka wants to throw up.

Kakashi doesn't leave him any time for indecision and runs ahead of him, setting a pace he knows will have his knees screaming at him for weeks. He doesn't speak, communicating only with brief hand signs, and Iruka feels useless.

They're in the middle of a battle before Iruka realizes it. One second they're flying along and the world is silent and the next there are shuriken whistling past his ears and Kakashi's barking at him to hold his own. Kakashi is beautiful in motion, a word he'd never really attributed to the man before, but it's true.

He doesn't have much time to watch, though, as the enemy nin – whoever they are – are coming after him as well. There are three focused on Kakashi and one has been sent to dispatch him, obviously noting him as the weaker of the two. It's true, he's weaker than Kakashi, but Iruka can still hold his own. And he does.

He catches the glint of a blade heading towards Kakashi and his body moves on it's own. The jōnin is facing the other way, focused completely on the target in front of him, and wouldn't be able to turn in time. He cries out wordlessly as the sword slides between his ribs and jerks upwards, slicing bone and tissue. He knows he won't survive this, but he's not sorry.

Kakashi is everywhere at once; a deadly look in his steel gray eye and Iruka remembers that glare being fixed on him. _It's worth it_, he thinks as he watches the jōnin dance, _so long as he lives._

And then Kakashi is kneeling over him, holding him, and the only emotion he has is frustration because those hands are finally touching him and he can't really feel any of his limbs anymore. Kakashi's crying and Iruka doesn't understand why. As far as he knows the jōnin hates him, but the look of absolute terror and desperation in his uncovered eye seems to dispute that fact. Maybe he was wrong.

Iruka struggles to lift a hand to touch the face of the one person he wished he could have gotten to know better. He wants to remove the mask, to see that face properly, but he knows that would never be forgiven and he doesn't have the strength anyway. His fingers slide down the clothed cheek and his arm flops uselessly to the ground.

"Kakashi," he whispers, "I'm sorry." _I'm sorry you had to be sent out here with me, sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry that I'm now just a burden you have to carry home. I'm sorry that you'll have to tell Naruto._

Kakashi continues to look distraught and Iruka smiles as he closes his eyes for the last time. Maybe, just maybe, Kakashi doesn't hate him.


End file.
